Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
