i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love having hate sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
