Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
