chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
