no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
