Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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