I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
