Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
