I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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