And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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