i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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