I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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