it's like her boobs came off with her bra
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
