So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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