Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
