words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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