guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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