Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
