Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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