i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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