we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
