Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
