he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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