Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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