Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
