i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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