my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Never underestimate the power of titties
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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