We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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