im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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