You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
