Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
