I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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