Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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