I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
