if i died would you start the facebook group?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
