literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
