My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We left the knife in your bed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
