I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
