; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
