I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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