We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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