bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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