my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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