He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
