The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
