U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
