...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
