Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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