It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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