i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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