I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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