i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
