dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
