u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
