you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
