plz talk dirty to me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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