my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
