don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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