im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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