70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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