as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
