My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
