a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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