I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
