all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
