I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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