wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
