I CAN MOONWALK!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
