If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
