Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
