girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
